Where Progress Actually Lives: Why External Standards Kill What You're Trying to Build

The Same Place, A Different Person

I'm back in Dubai.

The streets look the same. The cafes have the same staff. The weather feels identical. Everything external is exactly as I left it six months ago.

When I look in the mirror, I'm heavier than last time. I feel it. See it. Can't deny it.

But here's what's different: the anxiety is gone.

Six months ago when I left Dubai for a retreat in Thailand, I was desperate. Not just tired or stressed—desperate. I was hoping that retreat would save me. Fix me. Give me the answers I couldn't find on my own.

Every single morning I woke with a knot in my stomach.

Worrying about money. Thinking "why can't I figure this out?" "What's wrong with me?" "It shouldn't be this hard."

The anxiety ate at me. Constantly.

Now I'm back in the exact same place. Actually heavier than before. No more money in my account. Same streets. Same life.

But I feel completely different.

What Changed When Nothing Changed

Something shifted.

For the first time since becoming a chiropractor, since knowing deep in my bones that this is what I'm meant to do, I know The Horse Listener is my next chapter.

Not think. Not hope. Not wish.

Know.

Deep down. Inner knowing.

Where I am in the world, how much money I have, what my body looks like, which country I'm living in—none of it matters.

I know this is it.

My role now is to step into being the main character of my life and not look back.

Nothing external can affect me anymore. Because The Horse Effect—this thing I'm building—is bigger than me.

I feel aligned. Liberated. Curious about what's possible.

The external circumstances actually got "worse" by conventional standards. Heavier body. Same money situation. Same location.

But I feel better than I have in years.

Why?

Because I stopped looking outside myself for validation that I was on the right path.

The Pattern I Keep Seeing With Riders

This isn't just my story.

I see this exact pattern with riders every single day.

They come to me anxious. Frustrated. Comparing themselves to other competitors. Worrying about where the equestrian industry says their 5-year-old horse should be.

Looking for external validation that they're doing it right.

Their freedom gets lost in the comparison. Their curiosity gets pushed down by the "shoulds."

They forget something crucial: there is no box. No level a horse should be at. No timeline that actually matters.

There is only now. Where they currently are. Where their horse currently is.

I see this constantly. Owners frustrated that their 6-year-old isn't doing certain movements yet.

When in reality, that specific horse might need another 6 months of no ridden work at all.

Not because something's wrong. But because that's what this individual horse needs right now.

When they allow this to happen, when they listen to the horse instead of industry expectations or comparison to others, something shifts.

It's freeing.

The Trap of External Standards

External standards create anxiety.

They give you something to measure yourself against. Something to fail at. Something to worry about.

"My horse should be doing this by now."
"Other people's horses are further along."
"The training books say we should be at this level."
"That competitor's 5-year-old is already competing."

Every single one of those thoughts takes you away from what's actually here.

Away from your specific horse. Your specific situation. Your specific journey.

The more you push toward those external standards, the less progress you actually make.

Because you're not listening to what your horse needs. You're trying to force them into a timeline that might have nothing to do with their reality.

Where Real Progress Lives

Stop pushing toward external standards.

Start listening to what's actually here.

That's where progress lives.

Not in some imaginary future where your horse meets arbitrary standards. But right here, right now, with the horse you have and where they actually are.

When riders approach their horse every day with no judgment, with curiosity, accepting that it's a two-way relationship—real connection becomes possible.

Partnership. More joy. More love.

More progress.

By pushing less and listening more, there's more progress than when they were forcing toward external timelines.

A relaxed, supple, curious horse progresses faster than an anxious, tense, resistant one.

Not because you've applied better techniques. But because you've stopped fighting reality.

The Horse Effect

Horses are powerful, incredible beings.

They have the power—like the butterfly effect—the Horse Effect.

They allow us space to be better humans.

They show our strengths. Our weaknesses. There's no hiding from them.

They don't judge. They have no expectations about where we should be.

They simply respond to what we bring.

When we approach them the same way—no judgment, no expectations, just presence with what is—the Horse Effect happens.

It gives me goosebumps thinking about other people experiencing this.

Making them more grounded. More calm. More human.

The imperfect beings that we are.

Imagine if we all showed up with the same compassion, calm, and kindness without judgment to other humans like horses show up for us.

The world would be a fundamentally better place.

What Internal Knowing Actually Feels Like

Six months ago I was anxious about money. About my body. About figuring out the next step.

I was looking outside myself for validation that I was on the right path.

Now I'm in the same place with less of what I thought I needed to feel okay.

But I feel free.

Because I stopped pushing toward external standards and started listening to what's actually here.

Internal knowing doesn't come from having everything figured out. It doesn't come from external validation or meeting arbitrary standards.

It comes from alignment. From knowing, deep down, that you're on the right path even when external circumstances haven't caught up yet.

Even when you're heavier. Even when the money hasn't arrived. Even when nothing external has changed.

The knowing changes everything.

What Your Horse Has Been Trying to Tell You

Your horse has been waiting for you to experience this same shift.

Waiting for you to stop comparing to where you should be and start showing up for where you actually are.

Stop worrying about what other riders are doing with their horses. Stop measuring against industry timelines. Stop pushing toward levels that might have nothing to do with your horse's current needs.

Start listening to what's actually here.

Your horse right now. Their body. Their mind. Their needs.

When you show up with no judgment, with curiosity, accepting it's a two-way relationship—progress happens naturally.

Not because you forced it. But because you finally stopped fighting against reality.

The Liberation of Letting Go

I didn't realize how much energy I was spending on external validation until I stopped needing it.

The constant measuring. The worrying about money. The anxiety about my body. The comparison to where I thought I should be.

All of that took enormous energy.

Energy that's now available for actually building what I'm meant to build.

The same is true for riders.

The energy you spend worrying about where your horse should be, comparing to other riders, pushing toward arbitrary timelines—imagine if that energy was available for actual connection with your horse.

For listening. For presence. For curiosity about what's actually possible right now.

That's where liberation lives.

Not in meeting external standards. But in letting go of them entirely.

What Becomes Possible

When you stop needing external validation, everything becomes possible.

Liberation. Opportunity. Curiosity.

Real connection with your horse. Partnership that's built on mutual understanding rather than forced compliance.

Progress that comes from listening rather than pushing.

A relaxed, supple, curious horse who trusts you because you've shown up for them where they actually are.

Not where they should be. Where they are.

That's The Horse Listener.

Not techniques to push your horse toward arbitrary standards.

But how to listen to what's actually here. How to show up with no judgment and curiosity.

So you can experience the Horse Effect. Real connection. Real partnership.

Real progress that comes from presence rather than pushing.

The Truth About Progress

Progress doesn't live where you think it should.

It lives where you are.

Right now. With the horse you have. In the circumstances you're in.

When you stop fighting against that reality and start listening to it, everything changes.

I'm heavier than six months ago. Same location. No more money.

But the anxiety is gone.

Because I stopped needing external things to validate me. I found internal knowing instead.

Your horse is asking you to do the same.

Stop pushing toward where you should be. Start listening to where you are.

That's where real progress lives.

The Horse Listener goes live November 17th, 2025. If you want more information about how to develop this internal knowing and connection with your horse, email [email protected]

Nika Vorster is an equine chiropractor with 30 years of experience working with horses and riders. After representing Great Britain as an equestrian and winning races as a flat jockey, she now helps riders develop the presence and internal knowing that transforms both horse and rider. She splits her time between the UK and Dubai.